p r e d i c a m e n t
some of these are random, some rambling, but its kinda like a peak inside my brain. its helpful for me to put down my thoughts on paper since that sorta helps me to think. i ought to say that hardly any of these thoughts have references, but almost none of them are completely original. but then, what thought is?
i think that humans find themselves in an extremely interesting situation. every day, we wake up and wander through our daily lives
- some of us at breakneck speed, some at a snails pace
- some with noble dreams and aspirations, some looking for the next fix of whatever it is that fixes us
- some of us are considered nice, others mean... some considered pretty, others homely... virtuous or viceful, forgiving or spiteful...
and then something happens. sometimes its a big thing - the death of a close friend, perhaps.
sometimes its something that seems absolutely meaningless, but the point is, it starts us asking that horribly alluring, wonderful and essential, yet bewildering question - "..... why?"
in one of Leo Tolstoy's essays, he finds himself in just this situation. he begins to contemplate suicide, for he realizes that one day all of his works will be forgotten, his estate sold, his family line ended, his country overrun with sweedish barbarians of some sort (i'm not sure about that last part, but that was the general idea) and his land split up and quarreled over... and what was the sense in any of it? why live? why not die? like wesley said to princess buttercup, "life is pain, highness... anyone who says otherwise is selling something." and if life is pain, must not death be better?
why anything? (by the way, i don't intend this to be too terribly dark... if you find it depressing, keep reading or skip ahead it may be better, although i couldn't say since i haven't written it yet... now, where was i?) why anything? why a universe? why people? why love, hate, good, evil, war, death, famine, wealth, health, love... why love? what the heck IS love anyway?
and why, why, why, why, WHY?
i've found that its quite easy to completely do away with the question at all, and simply live. it seems to be easier simply go to work, try to make money, try to find some nice friends, try to start dating one of them, try to get engaged, married, raise a passel of kids or maybe just one - - raise them, grow old with your soulmate and then die at a good old age.
or to have as much fun as you can before you go, or to have as many thrills as possible, or to gain the most influence and power, or to do this or that, or whatever your concept of the good life is... to try your darndest to live it.
but in thinking people's heads, the question is bound to crop up... she thinks, "why? why continue in this way? what is the point?" he thinks, "will any of this ever really matter? work, bring home money, rasie a kid to live another pointless life." and why?
i've been utterly fascinated with this human condition. i can think of at least three aspects of this quandry in which every person since the first sentient human, has found himself.
in Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, an incredibly powerful computer is built which thinks on this question for 7.5 million years. when its done, it calmly says that the answer to The Question... is 42. the astounded descendants of the philosophers who witnessed the computer's first steps were grief-stricken. When the pressed the computer, it informed them that they really didn't understand the question... one of the most infuriating things, in my experience, is to have this feeling that my life has no meaning, and trying to ask a question (what is the point?), without really being able to frame the question intelligently.
so here is my best go at it... the question is this... (please note that this is the way i find that the question resonates inside me... i wouldn't claim to be able to phrase it particularly well, but this is how i feel...)
what is the transcendant reality which, when seen as the backdrop for the human condition, will give meaning to the particulars of this life with which i am surrounded and of which i am a part?
what i have found in my few years here is that the answer, is - in short - the creator & author of all, God. but to jump there now, is to get ahead of myself.
right off, i realize that as i try to apply my infintessimely small mind to such an enormous task... is that it is unwise to proceed without, analyzing, and thinking - how shall i best apply myself to this task?
the next part of these thoughts... will address some fundamental assumptions i must make to guide me on the way. i think that you'll see, that the assumptions here are the critical thing, and will ultimately determine the Answer.